good bloody night

i'm bored, i'm tired and i'm lost. its not focus that i need. i know what i want to do, what i need to do and why. and i know that i'll end up doing exactly that. but its empty. it has no soul. no calling, nothin greater than a job. simple i know i'll be good at it, i know i'll be happy with work i end up doing but, and this is where all the discontent lies, i want to be more than just a designation.

another reason for this overdose of melancholy is that i'm dissatisfied with my generation and my country. we were supposed to be the be the generation that brought about a change in the way the world works. we were to be the ones to stand up and be counted, not for ourselves but for those who can't. simple things that together change attitudes and ideas. i'm not talking about poverty, or genocide or racism or anything. i'm talking about love. there isn't any.

another thing. i've seen what sex and drugs can do to a generation. i'm not saying don't do drugs or have sex. i did drugs and it was fun and i know it calls. and sex is a beautiful thing. but there's a line that should not be crossed and this generation is moving faster than any toward that line than any before. look at the west. the "free" west. sex and drugs. kids at 14. people having strokes at 30. what makes me sad is that we know all these things. but self destruction seems to be the main agenda.

and my country...what can i say. it took me 11 months and a couple of weeks, 30000 km's away in a differant country on a differant continent to appreciate its beauty and culture. but it gets no respect from the people living within it. our mindless sycophantism toward everything leaves me with a fucking horrible taste in my mouth.

all this said, i'm the perfect example of all thats wrong. that means i'm probably just unhappy with myself.

here's a question: "if i change myself, will my perception of the world change, will anything change?"