its the season of broken hearts, a season of near misses and what-ifs. i've expounded on my recent break up till i've grown tired of hearing myself whine. this article isn't about me, well not directly atleast. my narcissistic side wouldn't allow that.
this train of thought started on wednesday night, or ore precisely the wee hours of thursday morning. the biggest game of club football in the world, and for teh first time in its history chelsea had qualified for the final. the boys in blue had done us proud and the blue army around world prayed that this year, this terrible year, would finally bring us the glory that we deserve. the champions league trophy isn't just another cup. its a badge of honour. its crown given to the kings of europe and to us, it gives us bragging rights over everyone else.
the blues have been through a tumultous year. jose went away. the injury and missing players lists at one point read drogba, terry, lampard, shevchenko, ballack, cech, cudicini, ect etc etc. endless was an understatement. to come back from there to come within touching distance of the premiership trophy and get into the final of the champions league is a stupendous achievement.
anybody who watched the game, except maybe united or liverpool fans, would agree that chelsea were the better team for the better part of the game. fate, the woodwork and didier drogba's madness conspired to bring the game to penalties. cech stopped united's wonder boy ronaldo's penalty! the cup was in our grasp. JT, Mr. Chelsea, stepped up to take the final penalty and we knew terr wouldn't miss. the captain wouldn't miss. his final step with his left foot before he let fly unravelled what was to be the perfect story. the keeper went the wrong way and then that slip. at that moment. and the ball went passed the post. at that moment it was done. it was done, leaving not just 11 broken bodies and hearts but also the crushed dreams of millions of fans across the world. mine included.
well, football isn't the end of the world. there's always next year. and life goes on, just like it should. there's too much to see and do in this world to keep us from living life on ours own terms. society, peers, expectations, responsibilities! there are ways by which we can work with these instead of fighting or giving in to them. you and i know that its possible. it is hard. but it is possible. and that is all i need to know. i'm ready for you life, throw whatever curve you want, and i'll hit you straight out of the park! period!
Friday 23 May 2008
Monday 19 May 2008
New Beginings
What began on a terrace with a million stars over head, ended on top of a covered drain with nothing but mosquitoes swarming around. Fitting. For what was once beautiful had turned so sour. Luckily, i guess, the end was quite peaceful. Like a terminally ill patient finally welcoming death. But it also left a hole in my heart that will take an age to fill.
What happened to us? How did this go so horribly wrong? We were so perfect together...Life happened! Maybe we weren't so perfect. Maybe we were too different. Maybe we were too much the same. It's all moot now but the questions still ring. How do you get past something like this? How do you leave something behind, something that you're whole life revolved around?
What's done is done and cannot be undone. Maybe it is time for a new beging. We all deserve to be happy right. This way she can probably find someone who'll make her happy. I'll probably do the same. Only time will tell.
I did some of the usual drinking to feel better. Not only did it not work, it also left me feeling a little juvenile and very hungover. But consider this. Over the last couple of days I have actually got up on time for work. My clothes for the week are ready, I'm ot sleeping in office anymore and I actually belive I might be able to start exercising soon. I even went to church on Sunday! After alomst 8 months! It felt good. Though the sermon seemed irrelevant to me. I quite understand that it possibly is the reason why other people go to church. But tio sit there and not understand most of the stuff going on seemed a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against church. But when I want to communicate with God, personally or in a fellowship, I want to communicate with God.
I don't blame her for one moment though. She tried to get me to do all these things. But I was too comfortable in my life to change things. I guess I just have to now. It's imperative. First and foremost, I need to drop some serious weight. I'm like a friggin whale! The fat is begining to show! OH snap! hehe small internal (read: my mind) joke. And I guess my inertia was a possible contributor to the breakdown of our relationship. She's a go-getter she is. I'm the wait-and-it-will-come-to-you type. The end result is probably the same, but the time we take to our respective goals are going to be wildly different.
Now to the bright side of this "sad, sad situation" (song reference, sing if you may). I get to meet a whole new set of women. I smile from ear to ear. It really has been a long time since I thought of other women. I can check out the foxy ladies without having to be told off. And I can flirt with whomever I feel like! NOBODY gets to say squat!
I just realised (which is really lame) that I actually am writing again. Expect a lot more form me now. That book is not too far away. I've also just discovered Joyce. The man is now my personal favourite. When I read the first few pages of Ulysses I didn't really understand too much (now now, lets be condescending or judgemental - I do afterall work in a radio station that plays a song called Jinke Marina some 200 times a day) but as I went further, things started revealing themselves to me. Dialogue stood separately from the prose. And the banter and slang of early 20th Century Dublin slowly unravelled. What was once gibberish slowly beagn to make send and I could see it finally. I mean see it, not read it. Because for me, I have to see what I read in my minds eye.
Thats the beauty of a good book. Of a great story and a fantastic storyteller. The ability to make your readers see with minds eye. How many of you actually saw hobbits in your head before it came on the giant screen? Scarlet O'Hara was so much more beautiful in my head than Vivien Leigh, and that really is something. Also, wasn't Audrey Hepburn absolutely the most beautiful woman to have ever walked this earth!
On that note, with the wonderfully rebellious Scarlett and the unbelievably beautiful Audrey in my head, I shall say adieu. Au revoir. A bien tot. A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. Ah! Joyce! Don't you just love his wit!
P.S. : Leave comments!
What happened to us? How did this go so horribly wrong? We were so perfect together...Life happened! Maybe we weren't so perfect. Maybe we were too different. Maybe we were too much the same. It's all moot now but the questions still ring. How do you get past something like this? How do you leave something behind, something that you're whole life revolved around?
What's done is done and cannot be undone. Maybe it is time for a new beging. We all deserve to be happy right. This way she can probably find someone who'll make her happy. I'll probably do the same. Only time will tell.
I did some of the usual drinking to feel better. Not only did it not work, it also left me feeling a little juvenile and very hungover. But consider this. Over the last couple of days I have actually got up on time for work. My clothes for the week are ready, I'm ot sleeping in office anymore and I actually belive I might be able to start exercising soon. I even went to church on Sunday! After alomst 8 months! It felt good. Though the sermon seemed irrelevant to me. I quite understand that it possibly is the reason why other people go to church. But tio sit there and not understand most of the stuff going on seemed a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against church. But when I want to communicate with God, personally or in a fellowship, I want to communicate with God.
I don't blame her for one moment though. She tried to get me to do all these things. But I was too comfortable in my life to change things. I guess I just have to now. It's imperative. First and foremost, I need to drop some serious weight. I'm like a friggin whale! The fat is begining to show! OH snap! hehe small internal (read: my mind) joke. And I guess my inertia was a possible contributor to the breakdown of our relationship. She's a go-getter she is. I'm the wait-and-it-will-come-to-you type. The end result is probably the same, but the time we take to our respective goals are going to be wildly different.
Now to the bright side of this "sad, sad situation" (song reference, sing if you may). I get to meet a whole new set of women. I smile from ear to ear. It really has been a long time since I thought of other women. I can check out the foxy ladies without having to be told off. And I can flirt with whomever I feel like! NOBODY gets to say squat!
I just realised (which is really lame) that I actually am writing again. Expect a lot more form me now. That book is not too far away. I've also just discovered Joyce. The man is now my personal favourite. When I read the first few pages of Ulysses I didn't really understand too much (now now, lets be condescending or judgemental - I do afterall work in a radio station that plays a song called Jinke Marina some 200 times a day) but as I went further, things started revealing themselves to me. Dialogue stood separately from the prose. And the banter and slang of early 20th Century Dublin slowly unravelled. What was once gibberish slowly beagn to make send and I could see it finally. I mean see it, not read it. Because for me, I have to see what I read in my minds eye.
Thats the beauty of a good book. Of a great story and a fantastic storyteller. The ability to make your readers see with minds eye. How many of you actually saw hobbits in your head before it came on the giant screen? Scarlet O'Hara was so much more beautiful in my head than Vivien Leigh, and that really is something. Also, wasn't Audrey Hepburn absolutely the most beautiful woman to have ever walked this earth!
On that note, with the wonderfully rebellious Scarlett and the unbelievably beautiful Audrey in my head, I shall say adieu. Au revoir. A bien tot. A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. Ah! Joyce! Don't you just love his wit!
P.S. : Leave comments!
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