New Beginings

What began on a terrace with a million stars over head, ended on top of a covered drain with nothing but mosquitoes swarming around. Fitting. For what was once beautiful had turned so sour. Luckily, i guess, the end was quite peaceful. Like a terminally ill patient finally welcoming death. But it also left a hole in my heart that will take an age to fill.

What happened to us? How did this go so horribly wrong? We were so perfect together...Life happened! Maybe we weren't so perfect. Maybe we were too different. Maybe we were too much the same. It's all moot now but the questions still ring. How do you get past something like this? How do you leave something behind, something that you're whole life revolved around?

What's done is done and cannot be undone. Maybe it is time for a new beging. We all deserve to be happy right. This way she can probably find someone who'll make her happy. I'll probably do the same. Only time will tell.

I did some of the usual drinking to feel better. Not only did it not work, it also left me feeling a little juvenile and very hungover. But consider this. Over the last couple of days I have actually got up on time for work. My clothes for the week are ready, I'm ot sleeping in office anymore and I actually belive I might be able to start exercising soon. I even went to church on Sunday! After alomst 8 months! It felt good. Though the sermon seemed irrelevant to me. I quite understand that it possibly is the reason why other people go to church. But tio sit there and not understand most of the stuff going on seemed a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against church. But when I want to communicate with God, personally or in a fellowship, I want to communicate with God.

I don't blame her for one moment though. She tried to get me to do all these things. But I was too comfortable in my life to change things. I guess I just have to now. It's imperative. First and foremost, I need to drop some serious weight. I'm like a friggin whale! The fat is begining to show! OH snap! hehe small internal (read: my mind) joke. And I guess my inertia was a possible contributor to the breakdown of our relationship. She's a go-getter she is. I'm the wait-and-it-will-come-to-you type. The end result is probably the same, but the time we take to our respective goals are going to be wildly different.

Now to the bright side of this "sad, sad situation" (song reference, sing if you may). I get to meet a whole new set of women. I smile from ear to ear. It really has been a long time since I thought of other women. I can check out the foxy ladies without having to be told off. And I can flirt with whomever I feel like! NOBODY gets to say squat!

I just realised (which is really lame) that I actually am writing again. Expect a lot more form me now. That book is not too far away. I've also just discovered Joyce. The man is now my personal favourite. When I read the first few pages of Ulysses I didn't really understand too much (now now, lets be condescending or judgemental - I do afterall work in a radio station that plays a song called Jinke Marina some 200 times a day) but as I went further, things started revealing themselves to me. Dialogue stood separately from the prose. And the banter and slang of early 20th Century Dublin slowly unravelled. What was once gibberish slowly beagn to make send and I could see it finally. I mean see it, not read it. Because for me, I have to see what I read in my minds eye.

Thats the beauty of a good book. Of a great story and a fantastic storyteller. The ability to make your readers see with minds eye. How many of you actually saw hobbits in your head before it came on the giant screen? Scarlet O'Hara was so much more beautiful in my head than Vivien Leigh, and that really is something. Also, wasn't Audrey Hepburn absolutely the most beautiful woman to have ever walked this earth!

On that note, with the wonderfully rebellious Scarlett and the unbelievably beautiful Audrey in my head, I shall say adieu. Au revoir. A bien tot. A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. Ah! Joyce! Don't you just love his wit!

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