this one's called freedom. its my definition. so if you dont like it, it means you've read it and you'll know why i really dont give a shit.
freedom is about one thing and one thing only. two simple words that to me have so much meaning. Personal Choice, the power to make your own decisions about who, where and what you want to be. everybody talks about it, goverments harp about it, but do we really, really, have the freedom to shape our own, personal, private destinies. the fundamental right of expression, the economic priniciple of choice.
ok, lets talk economics. economics is based on three fundamental priniciples. screw demand and supply. its scarcity, choice and oppotunity cost. underlying this is the basic assumption that all capable human beings are rational. so we are supposed to be gifted with the faculties to make a choice between scarce resources, keeping in mind the side effects of our decision. sounds simple. i dont think so. not by a long shot.
for one, there is not a single rational human being on this planet. we are an irrational genus, always were, always will be. and so far i have'nt seen enough evidence to dispute this fact. therefore, the dicsions we make are most likely to be the wrong ones, by our own inadequacies or by the forceful badgering of others.
now, talking about fundamental rights, with specific focus on the freedom of speech and expression. this is the basis of modern, i stress modern, society. all governmental systems that suprees this right have not worked and have actually failed quite miserably. nazi germany, facist italy, communist russia, and the continuous upheavals in africa. didnt work then. will most definitely not work now. very few have actually survived, singapore, china and cuba for instance, but in all those cases the system was continuously shifted around to make adjustments to the changing population. these are all but the ones i know about and i quite sure some of my arguments are unsustainable but this is how it is as far as i know.
all countries curtail freedom of speech and expression and thereby personal choice. at some level to a certain extent, it is needed. "your right to swing your umbrella ends at my nose." thats perfectly logical and acceptable. but personal choice regarding the way i (you too to whomever reads this) want to live my life, as long as it harms no one else is my own bleeding business and nobody, nobody, has the right to curtail that by force. coercion, persuassion, laa dee daa, are all good ways to try and bring about a change in attitudes but in my extremely humble opinion its wrong to do it by force.
be that as it may, i also believe that we can never be free. there is one way, but i doubt that anybody is interested. i am and i'll keep it to myself. ask and you shall recieve, seek and you shall find (if you havn't got it, ask me!!!).
anyway, i'm not so pissed off anymore and now seem to have run a\out of steam. writing,i seem to have found, is my release. passive aggressive (what a brilliant oxymoron). repression is a horrible thing.
and, i almost forgot. the one way to keep people from meddling in your life is to choose not to choose. give up, shy away. become reclusive. then your thoughts are your own and yours to think and to keep. but i dont think any of us are interested in that either. or we really wouldnt be blogging would we?!!!
Thursday, 17 May 2007
rec(l)use
I stood under the flickering light of the incandescent tube and realized that i had taken my first conclusive step toward the madness that lurked within. not the happy undergraduate sort but a deeper madness with a darker hue. the sense of self left me for one brief moment, not unlike the inconsistent beam, and allowed the demon to rear its unbecomig head for the first time. i have seen what must not be seen, a glimpse of the future, my future and it wasn't pretty. i write today with a fear instilled by that premonition of reclusive-ness, of being alone. not by choice but by the hand of fear and suspicion, and the definite possiblity of its occuring.
i was never one to walk with the herd. a loner, but also the anti-loner. many acquaintances but few friends. and it suited me just fine. i like my freedom and i like to walk my own line, as skewed as it maybe. but yesterday as i sat, cigarette between my lips, a thin column of smoke rising lazily toward the cieling, the emptiness engulffed my present and hurried me hazily into the not so distant, not so inviting future.
ever heard people use that most irritating cliche of man not being an "island". wrong. every man is an island. but its the size and speed of his "boat" that allows him to be social. the boat can be anything you want it to be as long as it drwas people to you and you to them. sink the boat and kill your soul. die slowly like an abandoned dog in the desert.
all this said, i'm really not as bad as i make myself out to be. overly self critical. thats me. always have been, always will. i must be a lil fair to myself and say that i do like to talk to some people. the hitch is most of them are just like me.
note: this was written some time ago. things have changed since.
update: december 2006 came and chased the darkness away. for with the last month of the year, came an angel. who came to me on a moonlit terrace, and stayed with me since. she keeps asking me what it is that i love about her. and its this, she saved me from myself with her love and for the first time ever i feel safe. when i'm with her, nothing else matters. nothing else makes sense.
i was never one to walk with the herd. a loner, but also the anti-loner. many acquaintances but few friends. and it suited me just fine. i like my freedom and i like to walk my own line, as skewed as it maybe. but yesterday as i sat, cigarette between my lips, a thin column of smoke rising lazily toward the cieling, the emptiness engulffed my present and hurried me hazily into the not so distant, not so inviting future.
ever heard people use that most irritating cliche of man not being an "island". wrong. every man is an island. but its the size and speed of his "boat" that allows him to be social. the boat can be anything you want it to be as long as it drwas people to you and you to them. sink the boat and kill your soul. die slowly like an abandoned dog in the desert.
all this said, i'm really not as bad as i make myself out to be. overly self critical. thats me. always have been, always will. i must be a lil fair to myself and say that i do like to talk to some people. the hitch is most of them are just like me.
note: this was written some time ago. things have changed since.
update: december 2006 came and chased the darkness away. for with the last month of the year, came an angel. who came to me on a moonlit terrace, and stayed with me since. she keeps asking me what it is that i love about her. and its this, she saved me from myself with her love and for the first time ever i feel safe. when i'm with her, nothing else matters. nothing else makes sense.
excuse me, can you smell uranus
i was driving back late one night in my dad's rickety old esteem. had been lazing around at a friend's place. the usual guy stuff, smoke a couple of cigarettes, watched some psycho shit on the tele, had a couple of beers and talked about life. like old times. yeah, so i'm on the road and the systems blaring cold hard bitch by jet and i'm singing along like a crazy person.
the road's really dark. its late at night and the street light's not working. but just ahead i see this lone figure cycling. a tired man on his way home. a little bit of guilt creeps in a i turn the stereo down a bit. a little closer and the man riding the cycle is a police constable. and then it hits me. the guilt that is.
there's me, unemployed at the time, with a UK degree under my belt. i'd slept the whole day, played with the dog, read the glass palace which might i add is the most boring book ive read, and then there's this man who has worked the whole day and now to get home has to pedal his way home in the middle of the night. what's wrong with this moment?
dont get me wrong. i know my dad's worked hard to get to where he is and to provide us with a comfortable life. he pays his the unfair taxes that our so called democratic government levies on its salaried people. and the injustice of it all, that has been burning a storm in my head since i got back suddenly seemed to explode.
the disparity in classes is so prevalent that we become immune to it. like doctors get immune to seeing carved up dead bodies. the beggars, the destitue, the sick and the dying, the coolies, the servants, the manual labourers, the maimed and the hungry. its all around. and yet, more tt\han fifty yeas since we got our much longed for 'independance', has that much really changed.
true we have bright shiny new buildings and sleek cars. india's become THE place to be. with yoga and neo spiritualism being uber cool. but drive around our 'shining' metros at night and you'll see hundreds of people sleeping on the streets with not even that patch of pavement to call their own. why? i'll tell you why. inneffectual governments, criminals for business men, criminals for politicians, and a middle class that does not have a voice in their own country.
but the root of the problem is more base than that. its the same lousy thing that has driven men to conquest and adventure. the same thing that drove men to enslave other human life and to its the same thing that drives man to become a lower form of life. MONEY. five letters of filth.
what has that left us with. a greater divide between the rich and poor, more disquiet and class hatred, a people divided by the rupee, or atleast the quantity of rupees. on another side, we have ineffectual, unscrupulous doctors, horrible teachers, hapless engineers and useless architects. and we wonder why the white man, with all his faults, is still ahead of us.
back to the cop. we've all bitch about corrupt cops. but considering the pittance they are paid its no wonder really. they work on the street, with hardly any reward or recognition. we loathe our policemen rather than respect them. but people who work in government offices get paid much more. they hardly do any work. their offices are haphazard with files piled up on any flat surface and some non flat nes giving the room the look of a godown. the people work lazily while the comman man, whom they are supposed to serve, stands head lowered as if in respect to get his work done.
i was in a government office this week and there was actually a crow flying around the office cawing its disapproval of the lack of landing surfaces. and by the way, if you have a serious allergy to dust, walking into a government office is tantamount to committing suicide!!!
the road's really dark. its late at night and the street light's not working. but just ahead i see this lone figure cycling. a tired man on his way home. a little bit of guilt creeps in a i turn the stereo down a bit. a little closer and the man riding the cycle is a police constable. and then it hits me. the guilt that is.
there's me, unemployed at the time, with a UK degree under my belt. i'd slept the whole day, played with the dog, read the glass palace which might i add is the most boring book ive read, and then there's this man who has worked the whole day and now to get home has to pedal his way home in the middle of the night. what's wrong with this moment?
dont get me wrong. i know my dad's worked hard to get to where he is and to provide us with a comfortable life. he pays his the unfair taxes that our so called democratic government levies on its salaried people. and the injustice of it all, that has been burning a storm in my head since i got back suddenly seemed to explode.
the disparity in classes is so prevalent that we become immune to it. like doctors get immune to seeing carved up dead bodies. the beggars, the destitue, the sick and the dying, the coolies, the servants, the manual labourers, the maimed and the hungry. its all around. and yet, more tt\han fifty yeas since we got our much longed for 'independance', has that much really changed.
true we have bright shiny new buildings and sleek cars. india's become THE place to be. with yoga and neo spiritualism being uber cool. but drive around our 'shining' metros at night and you'll see hundreds of people sleeping on the streets with not even that patch of pavement to call their own. why? i'll tell you why. inneffectual governments, criminals for business men, criminals for politicians, and a middle class that does not have a voice in their own country.
but the root of the problem is more base than that. its the same lousy thing that has driven men to conquest and adventure. the same thing that drove men to enslave other human life and to its the same thing that drives man to become a lower form of life. MONEY. five letters of filth.
what has that left us with. a greater divide between the rich and poor, more disquiet and class hatred, a people divided by the rupee, or atleast the quantity of rupees. on another side, we have ineffectual, unscrupulous doctors, horrible teachers, hapless engineers and useless architects. and we wonder why the white man, with all his faults, is still ahead of us.
back to the cop. we've all bitch about corrupt cops. but considering the pittance they are paid its no wonder really. they work on the street, with hardly any reward or recognition. we loathe our policemen rather than respect them. but people who work in government offices get paid much more. they hardly do any work. their offices are haphazard with files piled up on any flat surface and some non flat nes giving the room the look of a godown. the people work lazily while the comman man, whom they are supposed to serve, stands head lowered as if in respect to get his work done.
i was in a government office this week and there was actually a crow flying around the office cawing its disapproval of the lack of landing surfaces. and by the way, if you have a serious allergy to dust, walking into a government office is tantamount to committing suicide!!!
road rage
i have a question? why do some people find it necessary to take their hands off their handlebars or steering wheels, turn their heads away from the road and pray as they pass a temple or a church. why?
don't get me wrong, i'm not against praying or showing respect to the holy place. but in the middle off the road in peak traffic. sometimes as they are cutting other people off! i dont get it. are you praying for ypur life, that god might spare your stupid soul as you needlessly put yourself and others at risk. BAH!
that leads me to another issue. women on two wheelers. not bikes but the kind that has all its weight at the back. this doesnt pertain to all women who drive or ride because i know some who handle a vehicle and traffic better than men. but in general, they women don't seem to get the idea of driving in a straight line. watch for it next time. she'll start off on the left or right and then drift into the centre of the road before drifting back. all that at full clip. try driving behind that.
the same women for some wierd reason also sit on the edge of the seat, using their mammaries as substitues for headlights. again why? the further forward you place your shapely posterior,the more unbalanced the damn thing gets.
another grouse. this time against dumb motherf**kers who drive SUV's like they are autorickshaws. for gods sake, when you weave, just remember how big your vehicle is! the scariest thing on the road, after cyclists, buses and lorries is probably a fool with an SUV.
last bu t not the least, who can forget the tortoise. the guy who drives at 20kmph, in the middle of the road. dont hog the road. move or get the fuck out of the way....
note: all the above are only generalisations and meant to offend the people who fall into each category.
don't get me wrong, i'm not against praying or showing respect to the holy place. but in the middle off the road in peak traffic. sometimes as they are cutting other people off! i dont get it. are you praying for ypur life, that god might spare your stupid soul as you needlessly put yourself and others at risk. BAH!
that leads me to another issue. women on two wheelers. not bikes but the kind that has all its weight at the back. this doesnt pertain to all women who drive or ride because i know some who handle a vehicle and traffic better than men. but in general, they women don't seem to get the idea of driving in a straight line. watch for it next time. she'll start off on the left or right and then drift into the centre of the road before drifting back. all that at full clip. try driving behind that.
the same women for some wierd reason also sit on the edge of the seat, using their mammaries as substitues for headlights. again why? the further forward you place your shapely posterior,the more unbalanced the damn thing gets.
another grouse. this time against dumb motherf**kers who drive SUV's like they are autorickshaws. for gods sake, when you weave, just remember how big your vehicle is! the scariest thing on the road, after cyclists, buses and lorries is probably a fool with an SUV.
last bu t not the least, who can forget the tortoise. the guy who drives at 20kmph, in the middle of the road. dont hog the road. move or get the fuck out of the way....
note: all the above are only generalisations and meant to offend the people who fall into each category.
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
life and times
i dont think anybody reads this page...i feel the need to write, i hear its call. i've been fighting it for so long and it's been eating me up inside.
that said, my life is pretty good. other than my job, everything else is moving forward. and i haven't met one person who actually likes their job!!!
one person did think it was funny to ask me, ME! to write on yeast infections! well, not so tough really, but we'd have to break it down to whether this infection is caused by yeast on humans or to the yeast itself. and yes i have no fucking idea what i'm talking about. but i did go to a lousy bloody skin specialist who told me that he line on my nose was yeast infection, when it actualy was something called a solute. ah, what would i do without my doctor ex-girlfriend. she's a good friend now...but she really has to stop trying to diagnose my every problem. i'm a fuckin hypochondriac, and it really freaks the shit out of me.
oh the same stupid skin specialist also gave me a cream for my hands which proceeded to remove all the skin from my fingers and the back of my hand!!! some doctor! i think they just give medical degrees away. "ah, u look like you're stupid enough! here's your degree. go out there and fuck people's lives up! you have our corrupt blessing!"
that said, i'm still happy. you want to know why? i'm in love. and its been a while since i felt like this. infact, i don't think i've ever felt like this before. never felt so completely at peace, so completely free. never been so happy. its like a weight has been lifted, my feelings of darkness, my premonitions of death, all gone. far away, far far away.
and my friends. we suddenly seem to have become closer. like we grew at the same time...and we grew together. its special when this happens. doesn't happen all the time. I know, that if i need them they'll be there, and i know that i'll be there for them. its special.
that said, my life is pretty good. other than my job, everything else is moving forward. and i haven't met one person who actually likes their job!!!
one person did think it was funny to ask me, ME! to write on yeast infections! well, not so tough really, but we'd have to break it down to whether this infection is caused by yeast on humans or to the yeast itself. and yes i have no fucking idea what i'm talking about. but i did go to a lousy bloody skin specialist who told me that he line on my nose was yeast infection, when it actualy was something called a solute. ah, what would i do without my doctor ex-girlfriend. she's a good friend now...but she really has to stop trying to diagnose my every problem. i'm a fuckin hypochondriac, and it really freaks the shit out of me.
oh the same stupid skin specialist also gave me a cream for my hands which proceeded to remove all the skin from my fingers and the back of my hand!!! some doctor! i think they just give medical degrees away. "ah, u look like you're stupid enough! here's your degree. go out there and fuck people's lives up! you have our corrupt blessing!"
that said, i'm still happy. you want to know why? i'm in love. and its been a while since i felt like this. infact, i don't think i've ever felt like this before. never felt so completely at peace, so completely free. never been so happy. its like a weight has been lifted, my feelings of darkness, my premonitions of death, all gone. far away, far far away.
and my friends. we suddenly seem to have become closer. like we grew at the same time...and we grew together. its special when this happens. doesn't happen all the time. I know, that if i need them they'll be there, and i know that i'll be there for them. its special.
for a reason
ive been trying to write something for sometime now but i just cant seem to find anything interesting to write. ive started a couple of times but they just ran out juice after the first paragraph. but its like a sort of release when i write and it always makes me feel better about my life. thats not to say that my life sucks and its all shit but its been a low period of late.
you see i've always held to the belief that my presence had some purpose.that there was something that only i could do, my destiny, something that was completely and totally me. this probably is the reason behind so many of the decisions i've made so far.
im going to share my phillosophy on work. its something i read somewhere. work like you dont need the money. and if you think about it its almost the only way to be happy. for instance, when you working on something that you really like, money become almost inconsequential. its more like an added attraction rather that the main event. but when money is the only motivator, happiness just flies out of the window. its depressing. and i just realised im gonna have to work like that for a couple of months if i'm going to get my life back on track.
life now has a really ethereal feel. its like everything is just a dream. nothing seems to break the surface of reality. like living in the land of nod. in the sub state between asleep and awake. fragile, transcient but almost , almost, real. its not always happy but i know i'm going to wake up soon.
that reminds me. im a really wierd sleeper. i do all sorts of funny stuff. once on a bus, niki and i were on our way to bangalore and sometime in the night i decided to visit Nod. i suddenly get an elbow jabbed into my side and my bro telling me to shut up. apparently i had been laughing really loudly. haha...
the day before, i dreamt that i was taking care of some children. why? fuck knows. but i ended up singing, in the dream and out loud. madness i tell you. i have even slept with my eyes open.
i shall now end this extremely disjoint post on a slightly anitclimatic note and actually go to sleep. hopefully i shall not sing or laugh or any other evidence of mental instability. one must keep up one's appearance, must one not?!!!
you see i've always held to the belief that my presence had some purpose.that there was something that only i could do, my destiny, something that was completely and totally me. this probably is the reason behind so many of the decisions i've made so far.
im going to share my phillosophy on work. its something i read somewhere. work like you dont need the money. and if you think about it its almost the only way to be happy. for instance, when you working on something that you really like, money become almost inconsequential. its more like an added attraction rather that the main event. but when money is the only motivator, happiness just flies out of the window. its depressing. and i just realised im gonna have to work like that for a couple of months if i'm going to get my life back on track.
life now has a really ethereal feel. its like everything is just a dream. nothing seems to break the surface of reality. like living in the land of nod. in the sub state between asleep and awake. fragile, transcient but almost , almost, real. its not always happy but i know i'm going to wake up soon.
that reminds me. im a really wierd sleeper. i do all sorts of funny stuff. once on a bus, niki and i were on our way to bangalore and sometime in the night i decided to visit Nod. i suddenly get an elbow jabbed into my side and my bro telling me to shut up. apparently i had been laughing really loudly. haha...
the day before, i dreamt that i was taking care of some children. why? fuck knows. but i ended up singing, in the dream and out loud. madness i tell you. i have even slept with my eyes open.
i shall now end this extremely disjoint post on a slightly anitclimatic note and actually go to sleep. hopefully i shall not sing or laugh or any other evidence of mental instability. one must keep up one's appearance, must one not?!!!
random rants
I must confess that the last entry was born out of a combination of extreme boredom and the e=intense pressure to get something done. but suddenly im so freakin calm, even though i'm standing on the edge of the dreaded abyss of broke-ness! i've said it before and il say it again, im no fatalist, but it does seem to me that the closer i get to not being able to complete something, the calmer i get knowing that i'll finish it somehow. its kinda wierd and very sad in a way. considering my super charged intellect, powerful brain and from this large sentence, my enormous ego.
has anybody seen scrubs or like the show. cos i love it. its like House met the Simpsons. and my life rite now is exaclty like the show. complete with out of body experiances and every thing. when i say that i dont mean that i actually had an outer body experiance but that i seem to be narrating the story as it goes along. its even got a sound track featuring staind, the chilli peppers, chevelle, james blunt, nickelback, the offspring, jet, razorlight and g'n'r. what can i say...the story is fuckin awesome but then it wud be to me cos its mine. my precioussssssssssss
yeah yeah, the gollum thing has run its course but does it look like i give flying fart in space...
on the other hand i could be on the verge of a nervous breakdown which would actually be quite funny since im unstable as it is. might actually be something to consider. that sentence came out of the blue didnt it. maybe it didnt. maybe i think it did. maybe it did. who gives a shit. thats what i want to know...
answer me this..how many times have u seen people fighting in india. when they fight is it just kickin the shit about the other person or is there anything else. ah, the abuse. its so much more personal and direct and lets face it so much more interesting. in england, its bloody rubbish and most probably racist. take ur pick. they both suck. i mean if ur going to tell me off...there really shud be some flair.
now i've been back from england for more than a year now. so its kinda sad that i'm still harping about it. but what the hell, i'm 'englaand-return' maaan. have standards to keep na!
im going to stop now 'cos if anyone does read this they might report it for being total and absolute gold..i actually prefer silver!!!any way on that disastrous attempt at a joke i shall say adieu..farewell...au revoir,...adios...alright, alright...
has anybody seen scrubs or like the show. cos i love it. its like House met the Simpsons. and my life rite now is exaclty like the show. complete with out of body experiances and every thing. when i say that i dont mean that i actually had an outer body experiance but that i seem to be narrating the story as it goes along. its even got a sound track featuring staind, the chilli peppers, chevelle, james blunt, nickelback, the offspring, jet, razorlight and g'n'r. what can i say...the story is fuckin awesome but then it wud be to me cos its mine. my precioussssssssssss
yeah yeah, the gollum thing has run its course but does it look like i give flying fart in space...
on the other hand i could be on the verge of a nervous breakdown which would actually be quite funny since im unstable as it is. might actually be something to consider. that sentence came out of the blue didnt it. maybe it didnt. maybe i think it did. maybe it did. who gives a shit. thats what i want to know...
answer me this..how many times have u seen people fighting in india. when they fight is it just kickin the shit about the other person or is there anything else. ah, the abuse. its so much more personal and direct and lets face it so much more interesting. in england, its bloody rubbish and most probably racist. take ur pick. they both suck. i mean if ur going to tell me off...there really shud be some flair.
now i've been back from england for more than a year now. so its kinda sad that i'm still harping about it. but what the hell, i'm 'englaand-return' maaan. have standards to keep na!
im going to stop now 'cos if anyone does read this they might report it for being total and absolute gold..i actually prefer silver!!!any way on that disastrous attempt at a joke i shall say adieu..farewell...au revoir,...adios...alright, alright...
good bloody night
i'm bored, i'm tired and i'm lost. its not focus that i need. i know what i want to do, what i need to do and why. and i know that i'll end up doing exactly that. but its empty. it has no soul. no calling, nothin greater than a job. simple i know i'll be good at it, i know i'll be happy with work i end up doing but, and this is where all the discontent lies, i want to be more than just a designation.
another reason for this overdose of melancholy is that i'm dissatisfied with my generation and my country. we were supposed to be the be the generation that brought about a change in the way the world works. we were to be the ones to stand up and be counted, not for ourselves but for those who can't. simple things that together change attitudes and ideas. i'm not talking about poverty, or genocide or racism or anything. i'm talking about love. there isn't any.
another thing. i've seen what sex and drugs can do to a generation. i'm not saying don't do drugs or have sex. i did drugs and it was fun and i know it calls. and sex is a beautiful thing. but there's a line that should not be crossed and this generation is moving faster than any toward that line than any before. look at the west. the "free" west. sex and drugs. kids at 14. people having strokes at 30. what makes me sad is that we know all these things. but self destruction seems to be the main agenda.
and my country...what can i say. it took me 11 months and a couple of weeks, 30000 km's away in a differant country on a differant continent to appreciate its beauty and culture. but it gets no respect from the people living within it. our mindless sycophantism toward everything leaves me with a fucking horrible taste in my mouth.
all this said, i'm the perfect example of all thats wrong. that means i'm probably just unhappy with myself.
here's a question: "if i change myself, will my perception of the world change, will anything change?"
another reason for this overdose of melancholy is that i'm dissatisfied with my generation and my country. we were supposed to be the be the generation that brought about a change in the way the world works. we were to be the ones to stand up and be counted, not for ourselves but for those who can't. simple things that together change attitudes and ideas. i'm not talking about poverty, or genocide or racism or anything. i'm talking about love. there isn't any.
another thing. i've seen what sex and drugs can do to a generation. i'm not saying don't do drugs or have sex. i did drugs and it was fun and i know it calls. and sex is a beautiful thing. but there's a line that should not be crossed and this generation is moving faster than any toward that line than any before. look at the west. the "free" west. sex and drugs. kids at 14. people having strokes at 30. what makes me sad is that we know all these things. but self destruction seems to be the main agenda.
and my country...what can i say. it took me 11 months and a couple of weeks, 30000 km's away in a differant country on a differant continent to appreciate its beauty and culture. but it gets no respect from the people living within it. our mindless sycophantism toward everything leaves me with a fucking horrible taste in my mouth.
all this said, i'm the perfect example of all thats wrong. that means i'm probably just unhappy with myself.
here's a question: "if i change myself, will my perception of the world change, will anything change?"
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