what the hell?

the previous post is exactly what is wrong with this pathetic excuse for a bolg. i tried too hard. and you know what. it sucked! sucked! and you know what else is wrong? i'm depressed. read that damned post and tell me if i sound happy. if i do, then it's most likely that i write better than i give myself credit for. and there i go again....

sucked!

why do i need to get every single person on the planet to like me? why? because i sacred that they won't. i'm scared that i will not be able make them smile or think! the question is, does anybody actually give a rat's ass? who cares? not too many people i'm guessing. and it's taken me almost 20 years to understand that (the first 5 have been discounted due to the fact that i probably didn't know what was going on anyway!)

i over this! i really am! saying it again and again is no indicator of me being over this but i am. there has to be some sort of limit to being a whiner. so this ends now!

starting today, i change my life. i change who i purport myself to be! starting today i wake up and set my mind free from the self imposed restrictions.

rebirth!

this is how its going to be. from now on, i am afraid of nothing. if i want to do something, i will do it. if i do not want to do something, i might still do it. and most of all, i will do at least one thing new every single bloody day! why? because its a new me, its a brand new day!

i really shouldn't be writing like this on this blogsite, considering that i put the link on my resume. but this is my thing for the day.

it's all good!

unexpectedly surprised

Life's funny. Just when you think that you’re bored and tired, something happens and nothing is the same anymore. My last two posts are clearly the ranting of a sad and depressed soul. But somehow the last two weekends have restored my spirit.

I found and old friend and bumped into another. The first restored my faith in myself and the second reminded me of how good my life has been (and still is!!). This is a difficult time for me, but somehow I seem to rediscovered my hope that everything will be alright. Alright and much, much more than that.

I find the need to suddenly make a list! Why is life good? Why am I happy?

Disclaimer: the next three paragraphs are what people might call “self praise” with just a tad of humility thrown into the mix. (I know ‘cause I came back and wrote this disclaimer.)

First, I’m 24, healthy for the most part, got a decent job with prospects of better ones coming my way. I have a family that loves me and I have friends who I can depend on. I mean it really doesn’t get much better than this.

But it does!!! Apart from the basics, I am blessed with more that just average intelligence. It’s a different matter that I choose not to do anything about that. I can hold my own in any conversation and argument because I do know a lot about a lot of things! Its something I call the encyclopedia syndrome - A basic understanding of things but no in depth knowledge. (It’s a double edged sword!!!)

I also know that I’m an inherently nice person. My need to not rub people the wrong way, or to make sure that I do not hurt someone’s feelings is almost compulsive. It’s like I have a phobia for hurting people. This in turn leads to not say a lot of things to a lot of people even if I do know that it will be good for them.

Another thing I am usually extremely proud of is my ability to write. But judging by the last sentence of the previous paragraph, I’d say it needs a lot more work. I think the problem lies in the fact that I’ve almost stopped reading completely!! So if anybody has any suggestions do let me know. I’m desperate. I’ll read anything at this point in time. I’ve been trying to get through this book by James Joyce, but it really is hard work. The language and construction are fabulous but it takes me a minute to actually figure out what he’s trying to say.

The trouble with the whole “blogging” thing is that I seem to have really outgrown it. Most of the friends I made online have gone off(line!!!). I’ve also forgotten why I started blogging in the first place. What made me put my inner most thoughts and feelings on a public forum for the world to see? I think it’s probably to explore myself. To find out who I am through the eyes and words of other people. Anyway, I’m glad I did. Because it really did teach me a lot of things and helped me meet a lot of interesting people. It’s a funny thing. You read somebody’s random thoughts for long enough you begin to feel connected to them. At least, that’s the way it works for me. Sadly, I don’t seem to found anymore people on the same wave length on this site!

I just knew I wanted to write today. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. And it turned out that my subject for the day was myself. But before I go there’s something that I have to say.

Thank you. All of you, who have touched my life and enriched it in your own special ways. I just hope that I can do the same for you.

Life’s good!